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ToaArcan

Doesn't want your goddamn llamas
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Deviation Spotlight

Uncivil Union (Chapter 10: Kingdom Come) by ToaArcan, literature

Artist // Hobbyist // Literature
  • Nov 21, 1995
  • United Kingdom
  • Deviant for 13 years
  • He / Him
Badges
Double Delicious Cake: But only half the calories! (2)
Super Albino Llama: Llamas are awesome! (344)
My Bio
I don't give badges for badge or watch back. If you watch me, I'd like it to be because you like what I write or what I have to say, or we at least talk about things (Online or otherwise), and if you give me a badge, I'd like to have earned it. Please don't throw llamas at me hoping to get one back, because that's not what I do.

Favourite Movies
Dark Knight Saga, Doctor Horrible, Scott Pilgrim, Star Wars, Chronicle, MCU, DCCU, DC animated movies, BIONICLE trilogy, The Matrix (The first one), Cornetto Trilogy, Sonic OVA.
Favourite Games
Pokemon, SSB, Sanic, Star Wars Battlefront II, Planetside 2
Favourite Gaming Platform
3DS/Wii/DS/Dreamcast/PC.
Tools of the Trade
Laptop, Libre Office
Other Interests
Sonic series, BIONICLE, Transformers, Warhammer 40,000, Star Wars, Red vs. Blue
So, I disappeared and went mostly radio silent for a couple of years again, what's happening? Well, a multitude of things, actually. 1) I collect disorders like Infinity Stones now. The past few years have been a long string of diagnoses for things that were always there but until now, weren't properly named. The big two are autism spectrum disorder, and anxiety and depression. If y'all knew me personally, this probably isn't a shock, it certainly wasn't a shock to me, but it sure as shit does explain things. Life isn't easy for me. Some days, I struggle to get out of bed. Some days, a long fall off a tall bridge sounds real fucking good, and what stops me is the possibility that it won't work. But I've been doing better lately. I have meds that keep me mostly on the level, help me get through the day, I have a therapist I speak to every other week, and other coping mechanisms that are working. The employment officials have backed the hell off from me so I have slightly less
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There is no Easter Bunny, there is no Tooth Fairy, and there is no Queen of England. Coloniser down.
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ToaArcan the RWBY fan: I can’t get FIRST until I get paid on Thursday, so I’m blacklisting as many permutations of “RWBY spoilers” as I can, and if I see one (1) person posting V8 content without any form of spoiler tag I will kill every last one of you. ToaArcan the RvB fan: I could blacklist spoiler tags but like... Forewarned is forearmed, y’know?
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Profile Comments 16.4K

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I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how I started the conversation, I’m sorry for calling you nothing. I don’t want you to get even more depressed, but I’ve looked at what you said. Your wound is still open, I want to help close it. It’s the most I can do to help. I don’t want you depressed. I want to help.

Hello there, I am glad you are back. I got a question for the auto Fiona idea, more specifically that the current Fiona was just the 8th one in long line of auto Fionas. How would you put that into a story.


Also I would you like you to check rediscovered frontiers on spacebattles which has the Archie universe rebooted into the idw universe.

I'll be honest, I didn't put a huge amount of thought into constructing an actual narrative around the idea.


I think the idea is dark enough that I wouldn't want to spend too long wallowing in the angst, but there'd definitely be an existential crisis involved. But I would probably eventually build up to all of the units being found and repaired.

Oh OK then. Also another question on that Metallix part where Metal Sonic is collecting all of the robot copies of Sonic to reach a final form, what was that about.

Comment hidden

You got anything in the tank that isn't from my "Teenager with undiagnosed mental health issues and no life experience" phase, because, like, none of that shit's even relevant anymore.


Yeah, I suppose I could sit down and go through all the shit I ever said, but what would it achieve? Some catharsis for the people who made a secret group chat about how much I suck because they were too cowardly to admit that they had a problem with me, even when I made it clear that I knew it existed (I should've named names, I should've told them everything you told me, including that it was you that leaked it, but I was trying to be nice and fix things rather than rocking the boat) or maybe the other people who dedicated their online lives to nagging me because I didn't like their favourite comic? Nah. I don't owe either subset of people a thing.


Like, the Cosmo thing? I don't hate her. I don't care about her. I can't remember the last time I thought about her. Same with Amy. I still don't really like her, but I recognise that as a flaw of the writers and not the character. If/when I get back to Revival, she'll be treated no worse than any other character.


Also yeah, Hyperion was badly handled, I definitely fucked that up. But... I actually barely wrote anything with him in. He appeared in one chapter of Inked Puppetry and had a couple of smaller appearances, and I few ideas I that I threw around, but I never got to actually write the parts where he was an active problem... and I'm glad that I didn't. That said, I never intended for him to succeed, he would always have been too busy fighting to make any serious progress toward his goals. But they were bad ideas, and it's why, when I eventually revisited the concept of an STC-style transformation, I made it very clear that the form was a barely-coherent rage monster, that could only fight until either it ran out of power, or a stronger emotion than rage overwhelmed the character and forced them to power down.


As for the Moebians... in Uncivil, they were going to be villains, they weren't going to be redeemed, and it was the shit they pulled in the first part that would lead to them spiralling ever deeper into villainy. That was an idea that was already crystallising by the time everything fell apart. It holds true in Revival too. I haven't done much with them yet, I might not ever (continuing is something I haven't decided on), but if it happens, then yeah. Alicia will be treated as just as bad as Scourge, and Miles is a lighter shade of dark in terms of morality (though he does enable Alicia), he'll never be a hero. Even in the part of the fic where he was a focal character, I specifically noted that it was a story without any heroes, just two villains trying to kill each other.


And yeah, what I wrote back then was generally miserable, and cynical, and depressing. Because I was miserable, cynical, and depressed, and coping with those things by putting them onto the page. And some people enjoyed them, so I kept going. Then they stopped enjoying them, but didn't tell me, so I continued. And by the time I became aware of what was happening behind the scenes- not because they decided to grow a spine but because someone else decided to be a whistleblower- it was too late. For one, I was still miserable, cynical, and depressed. In fact.. it made it worse. Because suddenly, the first group of people on the entire Internet that I had ever trusted with my real name, had been lying to me. For months. Maybe years. I don't know how long that group chat existed. I still needed an outlet for my own issues, I had new feelings of betrayal to process, and what, was I supposed to reinvent myself to please the people that had caused those feelings? Fuck that.


I'm not gonna sit here and say I didn't nothing wrong, because I did. We all do. Especially when we're teenagers. But I wasn't the lone sinner in a room of saints. And when I was saying and doing those things, I got so little pushback. Through 90% of the interactions I had with you, I was encouraged. For every interaction I had with the others, I didn't hear a single "Hey maybe you shouldn't say or write that," I got wall-to-wall approval. I was encouraged at every turn. Whenever I got insecure and tried to get them to be honest with me, I was lied to. Over and over. But I'm the villain in this story, am I? Y'all are the perfect heroes? No. It's not that simple, it never will be.


I am genuinely sorry that you've had family troubles. I don't wish that on anyone. But I... didn't know that was happening. If the thing with your sister happened before the big break (Which was, worth noting, six years ago at minimum) then I apologise for forgetting. One of the things depression does is fuck over your memory. If it happened after that... I was wholly unaware. When I realised that everything I'd been part of back then was over, that those (fake) friendships were toast, I cut all of you out of my life. And I was right to do so. I should've blocked the lot of you. I didn't, because I thought I would never have to deal with any of you again anyway. Was I supposed to hang around your pages and cyberstalk you?


And stop using my name. None of you get to call me that anymore.

I’m gonna follow up and clarify a few things you brought up regarding my sister. Going back, the journal you made in defending State of Decay is where you and me began to REALLY fall out, it was published in August of 2017 abd my sister was still in hospital at that point, three months in. I was helping look after her five children and coping with the criminal living opposite us, then trying to sell our house.


I guess maybe because I confided in you about what had been going on I got so angry and upset at the journal I began to call it quits with you, because to me, you betrayed me by bringing up the whole thing with State of Decay in a journal. You and me fell out before and it was down to your attitude, we made up and you told me you wouldn’t behave in such a way again, and then you did the journal while I was coping.


For me, I grew to dislike your stories because they were repetitive, dark, depressing, cynical and it didn’t feel like Sonic, and Tails was getting beaten up repeatedly in the stories to the point he was either blown up, stabbed, had his limbs chopped off, had a rapist shoved inside of him, Miles being better than him, yet you made him a snarky tech guy which he isn’t. It made come off as a wannabe edge Lord. And I hate the Moebians now because of how much you overused them in your stories, they began appearing in loads of your stories to the point where Miles was getting so annoying I was close to begging you to kill him off. Same with Metallix, Mephiles, I got fed up with them.


I could’ve handled things a lot better. But you could’ve as well. Fact is, I think you and me should say sorry.